Circles of fear – a very personal story (Episode 1 (Spring 2006))

English: Taraxacum officinale, Asteraceae, Com...

Common Dandelion, infrutescence. Karlsruhe, Germany. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the beginning, everything was fine. At least I thought so. Until I woke up in a hospital in France, being on a drip-feed, having a catheter between my legs, paralysed. My thoughts moving all the faster, even faster, dashing, circulating at hyper-speed around one thought: It’s me, the virus.


Hospital (Photo credit: José Goulão)

Passing my time letting my sight flow from the ceiling to the floor by simply moving my eyeballs, blink, repeating it, some kind of streak in my sight is following my eyeball movement, I am playing a kind of bizarre ping-pong with the streak. Seeing UN soldiers running through a labyrinth, surrounding two persons, feeling like they are approaching. I have taken a nap, the door opens, the two persons enter.

College of Medicine & JNM Hospital

College of Medicine & JNM Hospital (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My parents, deeply shocked by my look, they are asking me something, I don’t understand them, would not be able to answer anyway, beside this I would prefer they let me alone here. Me, the virus. A few days later, I am transported into a German hospital by an ambulance service. Back in my hometown, Karlsruhe, Germany. Another week later, I am able to move slowly again, going to ergotherapy, leave the hospital in woolly slippers, supported by a nurse. I am feeling like being at least 60 years old, pinched, almost no hair, pale skin, no smile, who is that person, where am I?

Immer mehr Kinder nehmen Psychopharmaka

More and more children are taking psychotropic drugs (Photo credit: TK_Presse)

Then I arrive at the adolescent psychatrie, me, the virus, what am I doing here? Some psychotropic drugs for me, I am sick of AIDS, I am plague and cholera, spreading the disease everywhere and they only care about my mind? What a crazy world!

Episode 2


21 thoughts on “Circles of fear – a very personal story (Episode 1 (Spring 2006))

  1. Pingback: Thank you for 100 likes… | On the light side of gamification

  2. Memrise ist eine Webseite um etwas zu lernen, da gibt es auch Sprachkurse und das Prinzip ist, dass du eine Pflanze pflanzen kannst, bei den Wiederholungen sie wässerst und dann wächst sie. Check it out 🙂
    Die Übersetzung von annoying hängt vom Kontext ab 😉 In diesem Zusammenhang könnte annoying auch “nervig” bedeuten, Arbeit die nicht schwer aber unschön zu machen ist, ist z.B. “lästig” 🙂
    Und nein, das stört mich nicht 😉 Ich habe nur kurz nachgedacht und mir überlegt, dass wir am besten auf einer Extra-Seite chatten, da das hier etwas Off-Topic ist 🙂 Ich hoffe es stört dich nicht, mit mir auf weiterzureden? Du kannst deinen Kaffee mit rübernehmen 😉

  3. I got chills while reading this! Your writing style is like my poetry. I just let it flow and the feelings are what make the story. It must have been a very frightening and disorienting experience for you. Ausserdem glaube ich, Ihr Englisch ist toll. Ich konnte nicht auf Deutsch fast so gut zu schreiben. Die bisherigen Kommentare sind unhöflich. Es tut mir leid …


    • Hey Megan,
      I will check out your blog right now, sounds promissing in your comment. You’re right that it was a very frightening experience but in the end I grew much by solving my problem (as you can read in Episode 5 but I recommend you to continue on Episode 2 and follow the track through :)).
      Your German is great, how are you able to speak German? Kommentare über mein Englisch sind okay, eine Bloggerin will meine Geschichte nochmal in “gutem” Englisch schreiben und ich bin gespannt auf das Ergebnis. I see my writing as a tool to speak what’s on my mind so I can stand the fact that it is not the best English as long as amazing people like you do understand me.
      Have a great day, lucky you found me,
      P.S.: Thank you very much for your comment btw 🙂

      • Hello Chris!

        I will read the rest of the episodes after I write this comment 🙂 Das ist eine gute Frage 🙂 Meine familie ist Deutsch-Amerikanische. Ich habe Deutsch in der Schule und in der Universitat fur funf Jahre studiert. Fur ein Jahr habe ich keine Deutsch gesprochen! Therefore, I’m very glad to have met you 🙂 Also, sorry for not using the umlaut! I guess I should change my keyboard now 🙂


        • Hey Megan,
          great, looking forward to your comments 🙂
          Warum hast du ein Jahr lang kein Deutsch gesprochen (Ich darf doch Du sagen? :))?
          Don’t worry about the umlaut, I speak french, too and I am often too lazy to write the accents, e.g. é or è properly but my friends do understand me 😉

          • Hey Chris 🙂

            For a year I had no one to speak German with 😦 Ich beendete an der Universitat und ich sprach kein Deutsch in dieser Zeit. Ich mochte Franzosisch zu sprechen, weil es eine schone Sprache ist. Like most Americans I only speak English fluently 😉 I have a better writing comprehension of German and can speak it, but probably like a child. Ich studierte auch Koreanisch fur ein Jahr. Random, I know 🙂


            • Hey Megan,
              Sprachen sind eine tolle Sache, ich spreche Englisch, Deutsch, Spanisch und Französisch. An meinem Spanisch müsste ich mal wieder arbeiten, nach Paris fahre ich bald 🙂 Hast du Pläne, weiter zu lernen?
              Ich habe bis jetzt keine Aufnahmen (Song recordings), wenn ich welche habe lasse ich es dich wissen 😉

              • Ich habe keine Plane, weiter zu lernen. Eines Tages mochte ich ein “Masters Degree” zu bekommen. Ich mochte Speech Pathologist werden, aber ich brauche “certification”. Du bist glucklich, dass du viele Sprachen sprichst. Ich beneide dich 🙂
                megan ❤

  4. Pingback: Circles of fear – a very personal story (Episode 5 (Summer 2007-Summer 2010)) | On the light side of gamification

  5. Pingback: Circles of fear – a very personal story (Episode 4 (Summer 2007)) | On the light side of gamification

  6. Pingback: Circles of fear – a very personal story (Episode 3 (Summer 2006-Summer 2007)) | On the light side of gamification

  7. Pingback: Circles of fear – a very personal story (Episode 2 (Spring-Summer 2006)) | On the light side of gamification

  8. Very interesting. Sounds like a frightening experience. I know English is your second language, so I won’t go into some of your errors there. While its a good start, and I think you want the reader to go further to discover what is going on, but this start is a bit confusing. Maybe providing more details and clues the reader will eagerly read more. You might explain why you were in France when you awoke. Just suggestions. I’d love to know more, especially your experience once you entered the psychiatric hospital (I believe that’s how we would translate it into English).

    • Thank you very much for your feedback! Maybe you could email me the errors so that I can update my post? Always happy if I can improve. I suggest that I do the story this way, I just broke it up into five episodes. Then you might rewrite it with your writing artist skills and let me proofread it before posting it on your blog with a reference to mine. Would you be interested in doing so? For your rewriting, you might ask me some questions so that you can write the story the way you want to with the information you want to provide. I would really like to do so!
      Have a great day & I appreciate staying in touch with you very much,
      P.S.: My collaboration proposal would make me feel a bit like a famous person whose biography is written by someone else, could be fun 🙂

      • It does sound like fun and interesting. I’d be honored to help you write your story in English. Perhaps you will teach me a bit of German?

        As for publishing the end result on a blog, I think your story would be best coming from your blog, with a short reference to my help.

        May the Force be with you.

      • Ok we can try it this way. So you can already tell me about my mistakes and how I could fix them via email. Once I have published all five episodes, we can work on the rewrite together with you as the author and me as the interviewed and proofreader. Maybe you want to post it on my blog then? I could set you up as an author and we could write a short introduction and a link to my original story to tell the reader that it is my very personal story that you enhanced to be a joyful reading experience to him/her. Would you like it this way?
        May the Force be with you, too.

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