Of course, the first time I was back into everyday’s life was not easy. School felt like struggle, before my psychosis I used to relax at school and scored among the five best in almost every exam, now I had to work hard to stay in the last ten of the class. The psychotronic drugs slowed down my brain, I took a smaller amount of it now but I could still feel the brake on my thoughts. Attending to the school choir, I mumble in the bass voice which demonstrates quite well how much I was slowed down then (I am now a quite high tenor). But I still feel the joy singing gives to me and the wish for getting real singing lessons instead of some funny ten minute-long singing exercises in the choir is getting stronger.
I feel that a great singer is living in my body and am wondering why nobody else can see or hear him. After the first time on stage with my first rock band, some of my friends make jokes about me singing two songs. Finally I find a singing teacher, private lessons, not that cheap but very kind and motivating.
After our first (trial) lesson, he tells me that he has rarely or even never listened to such a “misconfigured” voice like mine. He promisses me that if I keep working hard for a longer time, I can improve really much. I convince my parents to pay the singing lessons for me, telling them that it is really important to me and that it will be good for my personal development for sure.
Soon, I take singing lessons once a week. My singing teacher lets me shout songs I can choose, he tells me that I had to get out of my body with my voice, that he did not hear a single tune I tried to sing. I try to shout even louder and after more than a year, we can finally move to the next big problem, the rhythm.
He makes me sing childhood songs, rhythm is appearing, we have to work on my vocals (“a”, “e”, “i”, “o”, “u”), I’m feeling the progress. But this progress is still not perceivable for someone who listens to me for the first time, my singing is still full of dirty tunes (at least I sing most of the tunes instead of mumbling them), rhythm variations (but at least there is some kind of rhythm) and other stuff that is far far away from being perfect and almost that far away from being almost ok.