I appreciate my personal perception as well as my progress on my long way to becoming a singer. More than a year after my stay in the psychatric hospital, I am finally allowed by the doctor to stop taking Zyprexa (my psychotronic drugs). My energy is coming back, my body is losing its lethargy and I lose almost 20 kilos of weight “in one night”. I find my way of being and school is becoming painful because of its fixed, meaningless and senseless frame of 45 minutes school lessons.
My singing teacher first talks to me about my change of behaviour. He tells me to watch my step, that I was behaving a bit like an ADS patient, I talked precociously and should not get carried away. In the school lessons I sit impatiently on my chair, always feeling like having to pee. While my class mates are snoozing their way to get the German highschool diploma, I wait to be finally allowed to talk.
I feel monitored and dominated by my mother (I now know that she only feared that I would get sick again and thought she could help me tidying up my room, etc. but at that moment, it felt like monitoring and domination). I move out to move in at a friend’s. His mother recognizes that I endanger the fragile balance in their familiy by my anxiety. She talks to my father and we meet up together. They ask me how I imagine to solve this situation. I tell them that I want to leave school, that school does not make any sense, that I want to spend my time in a more meaningful way, that I feel like the German highschool diploma is not that important as everybody says.
The principal of my school (a very nice woman I have to admit and thank to!) tells me that I can stay home for some time and think about what I really want to do. I begin searching for jobs on the internet but I don’t find any formation that I would like to do. I realize that for being able to study, one needs this piece of sh*t of the German highschool diploma.
I find a teasing advertisement: “Learning materials and organization for your way to the German highschool diploma doing homeschool, check it out now for four weeks for free!”. The learning material looks well, I can read through the textbooks quite fast and I can solve the corresponding home work to hand-in being quite successful. I am able to go to my mini job at the Fraunhofer after homeschooling my daily dose. Finally, I have the time to enjoy my universal creativity (which is not universal judged by today if I looked on my visual “art”, got talents for writing, communication, planning, organizing, singing and maybe some more but drawing and stuff like that does not belong to my talents).
At the end of the day (not literally), there will be the final highschool examinations in Hamburg, but they are quite far away in time, even if I want to get my highschool diploma in 18 months instead of 30 months so that I can catch up on my class mates and get my diploma at about the same time like they do.