“What did you came here for, boy?” she is asking. “I don’t know, I just wanted to create something beautiful, you know? Not even something that lasts but maybe something that creates an emotion that lasts in someone’s heart…” he answers. “But why do you think this is the right place to create that kind of thing?” she is digging deeper, not giving up on her journey to the heart of the truth. “I don’t know, I’ve never been good at drawing. Neither at other visual arts or sports. I mean I have been doing some good sometimes but never anything really beautiful, nothing that made me proud for more than one sec. I tried to write a book but I have never made enough sense to finish it. I wrote some lyrics but none of them was brilliant enough to make me proud for more than a few days yet. Anyway, until recently, I’ve been not that much of a singer to perform a brilliant lyrics in a beautiful way. Now I might dare to give it a try but am lacking the musicians to start this journey together. We’ll see what time does to this option of creating
something beautiful. But back to your question. I came here to tell the world about the light side of Gamification but was deceived with the first poor amount of feedback I got. After some time, I came back and realized I could write about much more than Gamification. I told the world about my psychosis and recovering from it, about some impressive books I read, about my educational research and ideas, posted some lyrics, photos and invited everyone to join me on my way to happiness. A few months ago I spent a lot of time on this blog every day. I felt like I was making some sense, like I could make a difference to someone. I hope I have done so.”
“Why do you sound like you’ve already closed this chapter?” she cannot resist to proceed with her questioning. “Well, you see I’ve been some weeks off or almost off, for various reasons. One reason is that I broke up with my girlfriend some months ago and then focused more on what I could call ‘real life and real people’. I wanted to meet people face to face and somehow spent less time on this blog. One day, I stopped following my weekly reading list and only answered comments I got here. I began my master studies and worked full time at the same time so I had enough to do during the day and evening that I did not feel a big need to participate that much in the amazing Word Press community anymore. However, I don’t think I’ve closed this chapter yet. I’d rather say I’ve changed to another book but still know where the old one is if one day, I want to come back. And I am sure I will, from time to time, whenever I feel like doing so. You see, the probability to create something beautiful and maybe even meaningful is much higher if you just let it happen and let the inspiration stopping by before beginning to write. The story of my life is not something linear, there are ups and downs, there are times with lots of events and changes and there are times when I feel like waiting for something not knowing what it might be. Why should I ever try to force my writing to be something that my life is not, something regular and linear? By now, with all of my 23 years of existence, I’ve learned that the good things come at the right time.
We can always try to improve our self and I try it day by day but I’ve learned about what I call “working with me” and “working against me”. It might sound a bit paradox but I believe both that we can improve ourselves very much and that the best version of ourselves is somehow predetermined. But thinking more about it, I guess it could make sense. In my life, I have often been working against me, muttering a low bass voice in the school choir (now knowing I have a high tenor voice), being very introvert (now knowing that communication and talking is one of my big talents) to list only a few examples. I worked a lot to become more of the person I think I am meant to be (this somehow predetermined best version of myself).” “I think I am getting your point”, she uses his short break, not asking a question for the first time in this conversation between the old friends Ms Doubtnosy and Mr Lookatmybigego. “I’ve only one question left: What is this new book you mentioned before about?” she points toward the end of this conversation. “I’m not the guy who reads the last pages first so I can’t tell you yet. The only thing I can tell you is that it is supposed to be about living a big love between two very different people who have a lot in common, who live in different cities but like to watch the same movies, who are from different countries but share the same dream. There might also be some lines about successful master studies, founding a band, playing some gigs, succeeding at work and of course, some dissatisfaction which is also the root of improvement.”
Thank you for reading this interview with myself, I hope you enjoyed doing so. I am here for your comments and whenever you want me to read something or have got a question for me, I will be happy to be of service.
I am wishing all of you the very best for the year to come, enjoy and celebrate these days, my friends.
May peace surround you, love kiss you and happiness be your friend.